Please Don’t Think I Have It Together

I was at a wedding of an old friend over the weekend and had the chance to catch up with several old friends and classmates, most of which I hadn’t seen in years. We caught up on what is going on in each other’s lives and touched on mutual friends or former classmates — who is dating who, what they are doing, and where they are doing it. The basics.

But there was one thing that really caught my attention through conversations – people actually thought I had my life together and had it all figured out.

It was one of the funniest things I had ever heard.

Please don’t think I have it together because I am married and have a baby.

I nearly spit my drink out the first time someone made a comment like this. Me? Seriously? Were they talking about ME? Hot-mess-express me who sometimes wears the same clothes I slept in all day long, cannot make a decision to save my life, and runs off the power of coffee, dry shampoo, Target, and Amazon Prime?

Yes, my husband and I have been married for 3+ years. Yes, we have a new baby who is cuter than I can even begin to admit (although I do admit I am incredibly biased about that fact). Yes, we have a house and have planted our roots in Springfield. But don’t think that means we have it together. Don’t think that for one second.

I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I quit graduate school after a year and a half because I still didn’t know what I was doing and it was seriously  impacting my mental health. I’m in the process of closing my small business and have far too many feelings about it. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t love being a secretary and I don’t want to be one for the rest of my life. BUT, I also don’t have a freaking clue what I DO want to do.

I can assure you that while there may be two adults in our house it does not mean the laundry gets done any faster. We run out of clean clothes far before we get the motivation to throw a load in the washer. There may be four hands to do the dishes, but the sink still piles up on a constant basis. We don’t open 99% of our mail. We eat out too much. Our dog chews on things he shouldn’t and we don’t really stop him.

As of recently it has been incredibly clear that we don’t have it together. We have a newborn and are brand-spanking-new parents. We are still trying to figure out how to get the baby to sleep, how to avoid getting spit up in your hair/beard, and really just how to operate as normal human beings doing normal human things with a tiny person, too. Honestly, it was practically a miracle performed by God himself that I managed to get out of the house looking as put together as I did for the wedding.

We do not have our life as together as you think we do, but to be honest, I don’t know anyone who does. None of us know what we are doing. Not one of us know exactly how we are navigating life.  You may have a general idea of half of what you’re doing, but as soon as you get your footing, life shifts in a new direction.

So, the next time you run into me or another old friend…

Know that we don’t have it together. You may have caught us at a good point or may have seen the positive highlights on Facebook or Instagram, but know we don’t have it figured out or together. Please don’t be fooled by the ring on my finger and the baby I’m wearing. I just happen to have a husband who is flopping-through-life-like-a-fish with me and we got crazy and thought throwing a kid in the mix would make things more interesting.

We are all flopping by while trying to figure it out and we always will be. I promise you that.

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